One of the great things about the Fantasy Buzz Blog is providing a platform for us to riff on subject matters that a) don’t necessitate an entire article or b) are a bit off the beaten path. Today’s take falls in the latter.
Aside from the drafting of your squad, the most imperative act as a fantasy player is to conjure a creative team name. Alas, this premise seems to escape many an owner, as clichéd and uninspired eponyms are becoming a fantasy epidemic.
To help cure this pandemic, here are seven rules to be mindful of when generating a fantasy handle:
Puns are welcome, as long as they aren’t outdated - I love Charles Barkley. Charles Barkley loves puns. Ipso facto, I love puns. Candidates for jest include NFL franchises, players, coaches, owners or league members. That said, evade names like, “Forgetting Brandon Marshall” or “Corn on the Schaub,” as these titles are more overused than “Charlie Sheen” as punch lines.
Cultural reference – Safest bet on the list. Just make sure your reference is relevant. And in case you needed clarification, any Michael Vick-dog related dig is no longer pertinent.
Making fun of a league member – Cruel? Yes. But a key component of friendship is dictated by collective ridicule. While mocking an individual’s clothing, drinking and career choices are good times, they aren’t as solid as…
Making fun of a league member’s mom – Or better yet…
Making fun of a league member’s sister – Adhering to the principle of Utilitarianism, this course of action is justified: the owner targeted by this teasing may object, but the rest of the league will undoubtedly be entertained. Try to minimize the vulgarity, but don’t be afraid to tip-toe the line of decorum.
OFF LIMITS: Making fun of a league member’s girlfriend – In theory, this may seem less offensive than jeering a family member, but lampooning a loved one can spiral out of control. From personal experience, I’ve witnessed truth bombs dropped that have almost ended marriages. This rule applies to one’s offspring as well.
Ripping on a current player/coach – Bonus points if you can tie this into a current event or affair. Avoid the gimme Rex Ryan/Cam Newton/Tom Brady’s hair slams, but almost anything else is fair game.
Inside jokes – One of the delights of communal companionship is internal gags. Why not utilize them in the fantasy forum? For example, one of my former team names was, “Johnny Appleseed.” Do you get it? Of course not, but the nine other guys in my college league are busting up right now (well, seven are, as I’m pretty sure two of my buds are illiterate).
Keep these laws in mind when structuring your squad’s surname and you’ll be doing your part to eliminate fantasy banality.